SumDummGuy's Hilarious Headline News!

"Funny stuff in the news!"
Here's the way the news should be!
Crazy, funny, strange, zany, and even a little wierd!
Hold on to your seat! Updated weekly!

This Week's Top Story!
"No laughing matter."
Tasmania -- In the Tasmanian Supreme Court in November, Martin Bryant pleaded guilty to the April murders of 35 people at a tourist attraction in Port Arthur, Australia, but he couldn't stop laughing. Wrote the Associated Press, "Bryant laughed so much he had trouble saying the word 'guilty' and had to be hushed by his own lawyer." And convicted child molester Francis Robinson, 76, at a September bail hearing on a charge of sexual abuse of an infant in Markham, Ill., had to be admonished by the judge because he chuckled while prosecutors described how Robinson allegedly fondled the girl.

(Just to be on the safe side, the humor here is seen in the stupidity of these criminals, not in their actions.)

Leeds, England --At an October retrial in Leeds, England, jurors took about an hour to acquit police officer Andrew Whitfield, 30, of stealing a calculator worth about $4. The cost of the trial, plus the original mistrial, plus keeping Whitfield on paid suspension for 14 months as required by law, was about $158,000.

Kansas City, KS -- Rodney L. Turner, 55, called his office on Oct. 2 in Kansas City, KS, and said he wouldn't make it to work that day as a result of his 2 a.m. arrest for DUI that resulted in his detention until 5 a.m. Turner, a lawyer, is a part-time municipal judge and on Oct. 2 had been scheduled to hear a full day's docket of DUI cases.

Winnipeg -- After a major riot in April at the Winnipeg, Manitoba, jail, supervisors hired many temporary workers to clean up, and among those who applied and was hired, according to the Winnipeg Sun, was Stephen Lee Gressman, 30, who was at the time on Manitoba's 10 Most Wanted list for extortion and assault. He worked a few days and left town just before being identified.

San Jose, CA -- According to the San Jose Mercury News, the only injury from the May 21 Calaveras earthquake (magnitude 4.7) near San Francisco was to Edvardo Meneses, 21, who thought the quake was a break-in in his home. He grabbed his gun, and as he was running up the stairs to protect his mother, he shot himself in the leg.

1997 Highway Truck Spills

500 gallons of hydrochloric acid onto Interstate 10 near Lake Charles, LA in June

300 gallons of chicken fat on U.S. 41 near Robards, KY in May

A ton and a half of chicken guts in Dobson, NC in May

Several barrels of flea powder in Hopkinsville, KY in April

6,000 pounds of margarine on Interstate 35 in Oklahoma City in May
(as The Daily Oklahoman reported, "Margarine Clogs Major Artery")

A load of toilets near Silverthorne, CO in June�

Check back next week for more news!

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