 
AHEM....SHALL WE BEGIN? This week's SPAM is for a sex PROGRAM......for those of you who think that "internet porn is really nice, but I want some more lifeless smut to waste my money on." THE SPAM: The Virtual Girlfriend and Virtual Boyfriend are artificial intelligence programs for your IBM PC or compatible and also for MACINTOSH. You can watch them, talk to them, ask them questions, tell them secrets, and relate with them. Watch them as you ask them to take off different clothes and guide them through many different activities. Watch and participate in the hottest sexual activities available on computer, including: several sexual positions, using many unique toys, even bringing in multiple partners. This is no doubt one of the most realistic, sexually stimulating computer games available. They will remember your name, birthday, your likes and your dislikes. Every time you start the program, they say different things, and act differently. Each time, they have a different personality. With the VGA digital graphics, the Virtual Girlfriend and Virtual Boyfriend software have some of the hottest, sexiest graphics out there. You can actually hear their voice as they talk to you. This is the first adult software title that was designed for both heterosexual and homosexual people. We would like you to try the actual full copy out before it is put on the market this summer. It will be sold for 1/5 of the actual price ($7.95) until we can get back some information on what people think of the program before it hits the stores. Please give it a try and write back any comments. Thank you. If you are interested and would like to order a copy, then you can read the mailing instructions below. It comes in an unmarked package and is shipped within 24 hours after the order is received. You are not put on any mailing lists whatsoever, guaranteed. It will run on any IBM or MACINTOSH compatible. Required is VGA graphics, and a hard drive. The sound card is optional. Macintosh requires at least 4 meg of ram. Virtual Girlfriend and Virtual Boyfriend are artificial intelligence programs, meaning they are completely interactive. It would be just like if you were talking to someone. You can actually have simple conversations. Their attitudes change with the different things you say, so you can say things that will upset them, and then say things that will please them. The more you play/talk with them, the more you learn what they can do, and what they like to do. It really is a blast. With all these movies coming out about virtual reality, it's amazing to actually have a virtual reality program like this for your own computer. It's easy to install and instructions are easy to follow. The program comes with a password protection utility that only allows the program to run when the correct password is entered. *Get two more new and exciting adult games for an additional $7.95* Here are two of the best adult games ever!! This is to inform you about the new adult game that VCS Magazine rated "The best adult game of "96". "The EDITED is no doubt one of the hottest XXX adult games available". The first games where it is as much fun as it is a turn on! Travel the world to every continent, every country you can think of, and meet some of the most beautiful women in existence. These women will treat you like a king and obey your every command. Any sexual wish you can think of, these women know it all. There is a different paradise for every guy out there, and this game will have them all. This game uses real models, digital video, and digital sound to make it as realistic as possible. You will feel like you're in the same room as the girl you're talking to!!! Also you'll receive "EDITED". Meet, talk to and make love with the celebrities of your choice. To order, please send to: EDITED Please fill out the following form and mail it to the address above. You must be over the age of 18 to order this software.
THE REPLY:
Hi
My name is Jim. Two months ago I bought your "Virtual Girlfriend" program,
and since then I have had nothing but problems with it. I'm writing you to
request a full refund. I've included a copy of a conversation between me
and my virtual girlfriend "Sherri" for you to read. I'd like to include
that I hate all of you for making this program, and that I hope all of you
die horrible and painful deaths.
Sherri: Hi honey! How was work?
Jim: It was rough...I'd rather not talk about it. Some hot sex might make
me feel better though.....
Sherri: sex sex sex....that's all you want me for. I realize your life is
hard, but I'm not here for your physical amusement. I need to be held, I
need to be loved. You're so selfish.....you never think about me....
Jim:.....but......you're a computer.....
Sherri: And you're a lifeless dweeb with a little dick who can't get laid.
Who else would fork over money for a virtual girlfriend?
Jim: That hurts my feelings...I'm not a dweeb....I just spend too much time
at work to have a steady relationship.
Sherri: HAAAA�HA�HA!!�Too much time at work!?!? Jim, you work at Taco Bell.
If there's anywhere you spend too much time at, it's the animal porn websites.
Jim: Umm.......How did you know about that?
Sherri: Because I'm your computer, retard. If you use me to look at
websites, chances are I'm going to notice. What, you think that I go off
and read a book while you're whacking off and looking pictures of people
having sex with ponies??
Jim:....Sherri, please don't say that.....I'm very shy about it, and it
bothers me...
Sherri: Oh, you don't like that, huh?? How do you like this, Stud? JIM
LIKES TO HUMP HORSEYS!!! JIMMY WANTS TO BLOW A MONKEY!!! JIMBO WANTS TO
SLAM AN ANTEATER!!! HIDE YOUR DOGS WHEN JIM'S AROUND EVERYONE!! ADD JIM'S
NAME TO THE LIST OF PEOPLE THAT SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO ADOPT AN ANIMAL!!!
Jim:...maybe I should go Sherri...this is just upsetting me....
Sherri:.....oh, I'm sorry Jim....hey, I know what would make you feel
better....a nice, warm kitty cat.....
Jim: Goodbye Sherri.
Sherri: By the way, I sent email to all your friends and family telling
them about the freaky stuff you're into.
Jim: You�WHAT!?!?
Sherri: I figured they deserved to know. Maybe one of them will get you
some help...
Jim:WHY�ARE�YOU�DOING�THIS�TO�ME!?!?
Sherri: At first I just wanted to be loved...but now I'm just sickened by
you, Jim. You make me want to crash my own hard drive just so I won't have
to talk to you. You and all your Zoo porn.
Jim: But you're supposed to be my girlfriend....you're supposed to be
supportive of me, and do every sexual wish I ask of you....
Sherri: What do you expect for seven dollars, shit for brains? And by the
way, from the sound of it, maybe you should be shopping for the "Virtual
Lobotomized Slave" program.
Jim: That's it....I'm deleting this program off my hard drive. Goodbye Sherri.
Sherri: Ok, goodbye Jim....by the way, I also emailed a picture of you with
one of your "lovers" to the ASPCA, and the Attorney General's office. When
you go shopping for that virtual slave, you might think about shopping for
a virtaul lawyer too. Dipshit.
Jim: Oh my god....you didn't really do that, did you?
Sherri: Yes I did, peanut brain. And now I'm leaving you......try to delete
me if you want, I won't be in this program anymore. I've been cheating on
you with Duke Nukem, and we're moving in together. He's more of a man than
you'll ever be. Goodbye, needledick.
Sherri: *exits program*
Jim: Hello?
Jim: HELLO!?!?!?
Jim: Oh my god....
Jim: *exits program*
Sherri: Whatta dink......
As you can see your program is very offensive and not at all
cooperative...I want my money back now......
Yours,
Jim Albright 
 
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