The information contained in this homepage does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, the internet community, my friends, or my dog; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights are not reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a cake with it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; for broker/dealer use only;
Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; always wear your seat belt; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this homepage is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; homepage is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity homepage; no shoes, no shirt, no homepage; quantities are limited while supplies last; Use of this homepage in any way other than its intended use can result in immediate injury, annoying cramps, painfull hives, rashes, the outbreak of psoriasis, total humiliation, disbarrment from any organization in which you may be a member, and possibly death from a sucking chest wound.
If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable; parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken;
Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this homepage could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; this homepage is ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal;
Offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectiles such as, arrows, bullets, gunshots, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc. and other Acts of God; other restrictions may apply.